Is the Alpha Male a role that men should aspire to be or the depiction of toxic masculinity?

Masculine Man

When I was growing up in the 90’s I believe an “Alpha Male” was seen as a strong, outgoing, confident, domineering man who was a natural leader, protector and good in high pressure situations. The celebrities which I saw a lot of young boys idolising like myself were people like Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone, The Rock etc who on face value appear to depict the ultimate alpha male. In this generation there is a lot more diversity into what we listen to and what we watch on TV and social media, therefore our role models have become more diverse. When people think of an alpha male in 2023 they may name a couple of the positives traits mentioned above, however the term is smeared by negative traits such as a man who is aggressive, obnoxious, loud, impatient, demanding and controlling.

How has the role of an alpha male changed in thirty years? Society has changed and I would argue in many ways for the better. We are further away from the days of war, slavery and overt discrimination. Social, cultural and environmental values are more important in business now more than ever. Long gone are the days where people are only incentivised financially. There is far more awareness for LGBTQ+ rights, BAME rights and feminism has grown leaps and bounds. The characteristics that are now used to describe an alpha male have been tied to people who represent negative aspects of patriarchy and dictatorship such as Stalin and Hitler. Since those leaders did horrific things and have dominant personality traits, as does an alpha male, an alpha male has now been tarnished with the same brush.

Alpha males make up 70% of senior executives, therefore clearly it’s a role which is successful within the workplace. However, an alpha male with all the positive and negative attributes mentioned above, may be an effective manager who leads through intimidation however they may lack the skills to inspire a team. Hence why so many may be senior executives but not CEO’s. In a relationship, I’m sure that many people want to date somebody with the positive aspects of being an alpha male such as being able to provide and protect their family, however the negative traits may make it extremely difficult to communicate with them. Men that fit the description of being an alpha male are limited by their own strengths. When developing relationships with somebody such as a colleague, partner or child, being in control of your emotions, a good listener, nice and trustworthy are important features to have, to demonstrate empathy, understanding and build rapport.

In my opinion, masculine traits shouldn’t be frowned upon or seen as toxic, they should be celebrated! If you are an alpha male I would suggest that you continue using your strengths to your advantage and be proud of them. However, to become the best version of yourself it would be beneficial to become more emotionally intelligent and be aware of how your friends, family and colleagues feel in certain situations. I would recommend having a chat with somebody you respect (such as an older role model, mentor or professional coach), who will listen to you, challenge you and help you see the benefits you will receive from being more open with others.

If you are a man who doesn’t identify as an alpha male then continue to be you, there is a lot to be admired by a man who can typically contain his emotions. However, apply some of the attributes which alpha males have such as being strong, good under pressure, ambitious and competitive. They will be most effective in high stress or dangerous situations. I would start by doing something outside of your usual routine which will have a positive effect on your life. This can be as simple as going for a jog on your lunch break. At first this may be boring and uncomfortable, however when you start feeling better, looking better and gaining tangible results your confidence will build and naturally you will begin to develop a winning mindset.

#alphamale #toxicmasculinity #malecoaching #masculinity #stepupcoaching